Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
