I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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