a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
