i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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