just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
