i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
