I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
