My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
