So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
