Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
