dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
