I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
