My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize