I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
