Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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