Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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