dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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