So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
