Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
