haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
