Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my being single is dangerous.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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