It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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