You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
