tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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