this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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