my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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