Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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