Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
