Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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