i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
