I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
