we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
