She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My dick has a subreddit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
