why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
