You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
