Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
