I think I am morally bankrupt
i used baking grease as lip gloss
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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