Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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