i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
