a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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