I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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