....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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