Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
