He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
