I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
