I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
