This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
