I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
