Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
