The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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