WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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