It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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