and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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