I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
