The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
