Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
