Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
