There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
