you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
