genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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