Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
