some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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