Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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