So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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