remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize