I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
this hospital has no fireball
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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