11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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