At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Its about making memories worth repressing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
