I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
