I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
