Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
