I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ttyl tear gas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
