I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
soo... how was my night?
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