1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
