I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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