Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
