What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
