I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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