Porn is love you can see.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
